[this really breaks my heart]
…You can make me jealous -and you can hurt most awfully- ‘cause my loving you is a chink in the armour of telling the world to go to hell and you can thrust a sword into it at anytime-
DEAR Hash you can surely hurt me a lot when you want to. About the platform and the train. Lord -I thot i was loving you- If i wasn’t I never could and never would love anyone. Guess I was thinking too much about how I didn’t want you to go -don’t you believe I love you? Dunno how I can make you believe.
I didn’t want to kiss you goodbye -that was the trouble- I wanted to kiss you good night -and there’s a lot of difference. couldn’t bear the thought of you going away when you were so very dear and necessary and all pervading…
‘Course I love you -I love you all the time- when I wake up in the morning and have to climb out of bed and splash around and shave -I look at your picture and think about you -and that’s a pretty deadly part of the day as you know and a good test to loving any one…
‘Night my dearest Hash -I’d like to hold you so and kiss you so that you wouldn’t doubt whether I wanted to or not-
Love you-
Sera
Ernesto
about a week ago i made a snarky comment on facebook, essentially chastising girls who use tumblr to promote a bunch of bullshit trends that they’ve latched onto in a pathetic attempt to get boys with beards and/or boys in bands to sleep with them.
at this, my college roommate reminded me that i had a tumblr myself.. though i maintain that the point of mine was slightly less demeaning. or at least not as blatantly so.
nonetheless.. she got me. and long story short, here i am. i don’t know shit about tumblr in the way that most of the world does. but i think i had a resolution once to start writing more. maybe.
either way, i do solemnly swear not to reblog pictures of dan campbell or of kate moss or of fucking american apparel models. (ok, maybe i’m a little behind on the times. i don’t even KNOW what’s cool anymore) and i even more solemnly swear not to use this to gain scene credibility, sexual partners or twitter followers.
BAM. here goes.
…finding these rando blogs that i started once upon a time when i felt inspired to show off to no one in particular.
everytime i’m left alone in the shadow of a lover who meant much less than i wanted him to, i feel like i should start writing again. as if the boring cycle of fuck, sleep, leave (stretched over years at a time) is really something worth contemplating.
its so easy to simply stop caring. but i’d still like to sleep with someone (anyone?) tonight.
with less than three inches of snow on the sidewalk out front of my apartment, it may seem irresponsible of me to ditch work today. but trust me, it’s been worth it. let’s do the math.
so far today i have:
guzzled 4 beers. (approximate cost= $5.00)
polished off a box of apple jacks ($4.50)
ate an entire bag of organic celery ($3.99)
&an entire container of hummus ($3.50)
shopped aimlessly at rite aid ($12.50)
made plans for kevin &my disney vacation ($1622.02)
&smoked half a pack of cigarettes (about $3 worth)
so that comes to about $1656.00
not to mention the $100 that i forfiet by skipping work.
so you know. it all makes sense.
but on the bright side, kevin probably won’t even want to go to disney world with me once he realizes that i ate all of our food. so that’ll put that $16hundo back in our pockets. where it probably belongs.
